Saturday, September 12, 2009

Goodbye, Sean

This is the hardest post I have ever had to write. I lost my baby.

On September 10th we confirmed, via ultrasound, that the baby was no longer alive. I was 33 weeks pregnant. I had not felt him move for a few days, and had already been worried after some early labor 5 days earlier. He had not developed normally, so this was for the best.

Sean was born on September 11th, in the late afternoon. I am so very lucky to have been with my wonderful midwives and husband through a compassionate and smooth labor that lasted just 2 hours at home.

Mike, Jake, and myself are all very sad to have lost the baby we were so looking forward to welcoming into our family. He was a beautiful spirit in a not good body, and we will remember him with love.

36 comments:

Comptons said...

My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. My heart is heavy for you. I couldn't stop thinking of what you were going through. I'm so glad you had the awesome support of your midwives.

Please, please let us know if there is anything we can do.

korin said...

Your family is in my heart now, and always. I cannot fathom the pain and heartache you all feel right now, but know that your community is here, loving you, and holding you through this.
Ryan, ruby and i are all sending love and peace to you.

Joi said...

Lee,
I am so sorry for your and your family's loss. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time. If you do need anything please please let us know. We love you and would love to help support you through this.

Much love,
Joi

Ellie said...

I'm so sorry. I was thinking of you and baby Sean all day and evening. We are all here loving you and wanting to do anything at all that you need.

Claudia said...

I am so very sad to learn this, Lee... I am weeping for you & your family. Please know I am thinking of you. Sending peace & wrapping you in love...

Rebekah said...

Lovey Lee. I can't say anything profound, just that I ache ache ache for you all.

Jstar said...

Oh Lee - this made me cry. Heartache must really be the most appropriate term. I am so sorry. Love to all of you and sweet baby Sean.

Amy said...

Lee and Mike and Jake,

With every fiber of hope I have within me, I send you peace and love. May you feel the love and support of those around you helping to ease the pain. When you are ready, we will be here. My heart aches for you all during this time of grief and sorrow.

Goodbye Sweet Angel Sean. :(
Amy

Donny said...

My thoughts today will be of Strength and Caring for the Vees. For Lee and Mike and Jake... And Sean.

ABS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Adrienne said...

Lee, I'm so heartbroken for you and your family! We're thinking of you constantly and holding you and sweet baby Sean in the light.

elliesmadre said...

We are thinking of you all and grieving with you, sweet mama. I am so very sorry for this heartbreaking loss. If there is anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. We are holding you, Mike, Jake, and sweet baby Sean in our hearts. I can't stop thinking of you and how you must be feeling.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, I am so sad and so sorry. Thank you for sharing the picture of Sean's adorable feet, though! I hope you are able to find some comfort and peace amidst the sadness.

Hedy said...

Thinking of you guys, loving you, sending peace. My heart breaks for you guys. If you need anything at all, I'm around.

-H

Carrie said...

Your family are in my thoughts while you are going through a difficult time. And, I'm sorry for the loss of Sean. With my hugs!

Allison said...

Lee I am so sorry for you and your families loss. Sending love and prayers.

UrbanHippieMama said...

Your family is in my thoughts today, Lee... I drew an angel card from my deck this morning, and wanted to share with you the message that I received:

~Oneness~

Someone you dearly miss is forever present in your heart. Remember, dearest one, that even though there has been a physical parting, spiritually those we love never leave us. Creation is eternal. Nothing is ever truly missing for all is interconnected and ultimately one.

Rich & Kylin & I are sending love to you and your family today. <3

Leah said...

Lee, Mike and Jake,

We are truly so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful baby. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Thinking of you and your family.

Love,

Leah and Michael

Laura said...

Tears and love for you, Lee. I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss. You are a strong and intelligent woman... take your time to grieve please. We're all here for you.

Nicole said...

Lee, I am holding you and your family in my thoughts and in my heart. Please know that your community is surrounding you in love and support and here for you and your family. My heart aches for you...Sending you so much love and peace...Love, Nicole

Mama Nomad said...

its hard to even imagine the magnitude of your grief. you are an awe-inspiring mother and i am thinking tender, peaceful, thoughts for you and your family. i am glad that you were able to experience birthing Sean at home surrounded with loving support. i see the invisible glow of energy pulsating out from your home, spreading all over portland and across the country and the world: that is us all loving you and shedding tears for your lost boy.

your grace and light and unique ability to navigate this world in your own way has always and continues to inspire me--i believe those qualities will carry you through this as well. xoxo

My dear sweet Campbell said...

Lee, Mike, and Jake-

I am thinking of you all during this tough time. I can not imagine how much this hurts. I will say a prayer for you guys and baby Sean. Thank you for sharing your sweet picture <3
If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.
My heart is with you during this time.

Ericka

Keri said...

Lee, I am so, so, so sorry for the loss of your precious son. My heart breaks for you and your family. Your sweet angel Sean will never be forgotten. Much love and light from the 'O' family.

Jenn said...

Lee and family,

My heart aches for you at this moment. I am so very sorry to hear about the sudden loss of little Sean. Please know that all of us are holding you in our thoughts and prayers, and please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything.

Jenn

Aimee said...

My heart is weaping and sad for your loss. We are all praying for you and your family at this time of need. Thank you for sharing the picture of Seans sweet toes. Much love to you, Mike and Jake.
If you need anything please do not hesitate to ask.

~Aimee

Tig said...

Lee,

I have been following your blog for a while now - but have never commented until now... I am so sorry for your loss, and join in everyone's support for you and your family. I wish you all much strength in the coming days and months, and will be keeping you in my thoughts...

Celeste said...

Words escape me as I sit here, heart heavy with the loss of your little son Sean. I am so deeply sorry and wish you all peace as you heal from this tragedy. You all are in my and my sister Laurie's thoughts and prayers.

Shana said...

I am so sorry.

Lisa said...

I am so sorry Lee. I know there are no right words right now. Just want you to know you have another mama out there sending your family good thoughts.

aniT said...

Lee, I cannot imagine the hurt you and your family are enduring at this time. Sending peaceful healing vibes to you all. You will be in my thoughts.

toriindenver said...

Lee, Mike, and Jake,
You are in my prayers. I pray that God envelopes you in comforting embraces of those around you and each other. peace...tori

Megan said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know I do not know you very well but my heart is with you. If there is anything I can do for you I would like to do it.

Jessica said...

I am so very sorry, Lee. I can only imagine the heartbreak and loss you are experiencing. If you need anything, please know that I and the rest of your community love you and will do anything we can. Sending you all love and peace.xo Jessica

Pipsylou said...

I am a friend of Korin's, just stopping by to tell you I'm praying for your family.

Jenn said...

Oh Lee, Mike, and Jake I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of Sean. Words cannot express the sorrow that fills my heart right now. Sending love and light your way while you walk the path of grief.

Frannie said...

Lee, I had just popped in to see how you were doing. I like to read up on you and your family and was excited to see how your pregnancy was going. I am heartbroken and so very sorry to read this news. I don't know the right words to say, but just know that there are people out there who don't even know you in person who are grieving for you and your family. I wish for peace for you and your boys and hope that you are doing alright. Sincerely,
Frannie